Learn to Say “NO” and Mean It!
The question has just been posed.
Did you immediately say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no?”
What would happen if you said no? You’ll disappoint your clients? You won’t feel accepted? You’ll lose money?
Saying “no” is hard for many of us because guilt often comes into play. Whether it has its foundation in religion, your upbringing or a world view that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often make decisions we’d rather not be making based upon guilt.
Realize that when you say ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’ you are wasting your time and energy. As a business owner, it will actually cost you money. When you are distracted with things you don’t have an interest in, things that don’t bring you closer to your goals, things that are not priorities for you, you have wasted your time and may feel taken advantage of.
How do you know when to say ‘no’? Identify all the reasons you have for wanting to say “no.” Is it beyond your comfort level? You have no interest? Start by knowing what it is that you DO want and set boundaries. Boundaries are simply rules that you decide are right for you.
Sometimes there are reasons not to say ‘no’. Would the discomfort involved in saying ‘no’ outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request? Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts? Perhaps you’ll support a good cause, make your client happy or feel like part of the team?
Listen to the voice deep down inside of you. Make your decision by honoring your boundaries. Once you’ve made the decision to say “NO’ then go ahead and say it clearly, and self- assuredly…in the mirror.
Just say “NO.” Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?
Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. Then go, and say “NO.” If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!
They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. Be prepared for this! Know your boundaries-what ARE you willing to do? If you are serious about saying “NO” then stand your ground.
How NOT TO say “NO!”
1. The “Wet lettuce NO” If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO! Saying NO in a quiet, unassuming voice is like a hand shake that is floppy and limp. You will feel as though you have to convince the other person why you have said it!
2. The “Angry NO” This is at the other end of the spectrum in how to say NO. It is done in an aggressive manner and usually said with contempt. It is not an effective way to communicate your NO. For example: “NO. I’m not doing that garbage. You’ve got to be joking aren’t you?”
How TO say “NO!”
1. Be assertive. This is the best way to say NO! In a firm, yet polite voice say: “No. I will not be able to do that for you” If you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet. “My schedule is full.”
2. Use effective body language. When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall. Use a firm tone in your voice.
Your Assignment:
For the next 7 days: start to say NO more often. You will be an expert at the end of the week! What will happen? You will feel much more confident. The more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes. Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.” You’ll have more time to focus on the things you want to be involved in.
Remember that when anyone asks a question of you, it is perfectly OK to say, “I’ll think about that and get back to you”. Don’t feel pressured into giving an immediate answer. Take some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.
Practice makes perfect as they say!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sherri Frost specializes in helping Holistic Practitioners and Coaches Easily Fill Their Practice with Clients. To get her FREE eCourse: 7 Simple Ways to Easily Fill Your Practice With Clients visit her site at http://www.ProPowerNow.com